Workplace Triggers: Expectations are the Seeds for Future Resentments

In the fast-paced world of professional environments, few things can derail our emotional wellbeing quite like unmet expectations. Whether it's a project that didn't receive the recognition we anticipated, a promotion that went to someone else, or a colleague who consistently arrives late to meetings, expectations are often at the root of our workplace frustrations.

The Expectation-Resentment Cycle

When we set expectations—whether explicitly or implicitly—we create a mental image of how things "should" be. The gap between this mental image and reality becomes fertile ground for resentment to grow. Like seeds planted in rich soil, these unmet expectations can sprout into full-blown resentments that affect our professional relationships, productivity, and even our recovery journey.

This cycle is particularly dangerous for professionals in recovery. The workplace is already filled with potential triggers—stress, pressure, social events involving alcohol—and adding resentment to this mix can significantly increase vulnerability.

Common Workplace Expectation Triggers

Several workplace scenarios frequently trigger the expectation-resentment cycle:

1. Recognition Expectations: Believing your hard work should be acknowledged in specific ways
2. Fairness Expectations: Assuming workplace decisions will always be equitable
3. Communication Expectations: Expecting others to communicate in your preferred style
4. Performance Expectations: Setting unrealistic standards for yourself or others
5. Boundary Expectations: Assuming others will respect your boundaries without clear communication

Each of these expectations, when unmet, can become a trigger for negative emotional responses that threaten both professional effectiveness and recovery stability.

The Workplace Trigger Mapping Approach

In his book "Another Level: Recovery Coaching for Executives, Professionals, and Business Owners," Kevin D. Flynn introduces the concept of "Workplace Trigger Mapping" as a comprehensive strategy for identifying and managing these potential pitfalls. This approach helps professionals recognize specific situations, relationships, and thought patterns that create vulnerability.

As Flynn explains, effective trigger management begins with precise identification. Rather than viewing workplace triggers in general terms, we need to identify the specific expectations creating emotional reactivity.

Transforming Expectations into Preferences

The solution isn't to eliminate expectations entirely—that would be both impossible and counterproductive. Instead, the key is transforming rigid expectations into flexible preferences.

Here's how to begin this transformation:

1. Identify Your Expectations

Start by conducting a thorough inventory of your workplace expectations. What do you expect from your boss, colleagues, direct reports, and the organization itself? Which of these expectations, when unmet, create the strongest emotional response?

2. Examine the Origin of Each Expectation

For each significant expectation, ask yourself:

• Where did this expectation come from?
• Is it realistic given the current circumstances?
• Have I clearly communicated this expectation to others?
• Would I hold the same expectation for myself?

3. Develop the "Expectation-to-Preference" Practice

When you identify a rigid expectation, practice consciously reframing it as a preference:

Expectation: "My boss should acknowledge my extra effort with public recognition." Preference: "I would prefer recognition for my efforts, but I can also find satisfaction in knowing I did my best work."

Expectation: "My team members should never miss deadlines." Preference: "I prefer that deadlines are met, but I understand that unexpected circumstances arise, and we can adjust accordingly."

4. Create Structured Response Strategies

For your most significant expectation triggers, develop specific strategies using Flynn's "Trigger Response Hierarchy":

• Elimination: Can this expectation be eliminated entirely? Is it truly necessary?
• Modification: Can the expectation be modified to be more realistic or flexible?
• Preparation: For necessary expectations, how can you prepare mentally for potential disappointment?
• In-Moment Management: What techniques can you use to manage your emotional response when an expectation isn't met?
• Post-Exposure Processing: How will you process and learn from situations where expectations weren't met?

Building Resilience Through Mindfulness

The mindfulness practices described in "Another Level" are particularly valuable for managing expectation-based triggers. By developing present-moment awareness, we can catch ourselves in the act of creating rigid expectations and choose a different response.

Try this brief mindfulness practice when you notice expectations forming:

1. Pause and take three deep breaths
2. Notice the expectation forming in your mind
3. Observe any physical sensations or emotions connected to this expectation
4. Ask yourself: "Can I hold this lightly as a preference rather than firmly as a demand?"
5. Consciously choose a more flexible stance

Communication: The Antidote to Expectation Triggers

Clear communication often serves as the most effective prevention strategy for expectation-based resentments. When expectations remain unspoken, they're almost guaranteed to go unmet.

Consider implementing these communication practices:

• Explicitly discuss expectations at the beginning of projects
• Regularly check in about whether expectations are aligned
• Practice assertive (not aggressive) communication when expectations aren't being met
• Be willing to negotiate and adjust expectations based on feedback

A Professional's Path Forward

For professionals in recovery, managing expectation triggers isn't just about workplace effectiveness—it's about maintaining sobriety and wellbeing. By transforming rigid expectations into flexible preferences, we create workplaces that support rather than threaten our recovery journey.

Remember: expectations themselves aren't the problem. It's their rigidity and our attachment to specific outcomes that creates vulnerability. By holding our expectations lightly and communicating them clearly, we can prevent the seeds of resentment from taking root in our professional lives.

As Flynn reminds us in "Another Level," the goal isn't eliminating all workplace challenges—it's developing the resilience and skills to navigate them effectively while maintaining both professional excellence and recovery stability.

What workplace expectations have you found most challenging to manage? How might transforming them into preferences change your professional experience?